Talking with My Hands

"I speak two languages, Body and English." 

–Mae West

If you’re in a conversation with me, there’s no doubt you’ll see my hands getting in the mix.  Maybe it’s the same for you . . . gesturing with our hands/arms/body to create emphasis, add context, or show someone we’re listening.  Body language is a big part of how we communicate – a set of tools we might be under (or over) using.

I started paying attention to how much I used my hands in conversation during a public speaking class.  A good portion of the time was dedicated to body language: how we planted our feet, moved or shifted our weight, and used gestures to reinforce the points we were making verbally.  When it was my turn to stand up in front of that room to share a story, I realized my hands seemed to take on a life of their own.  This was made even clearer to me when I later watched a recording of my presentation.  I was shocked to see how my movements happened unconsciously – almost like my body was on autopilot.  My hand gestures felt erratic, distracting, and were ultimately working against my efforts to effectively land my message.

This was an “aha” moment for me; revealing what felt like characters in a story I hadn’t been paying attention to.  Despite me being the creator of the story, my dancing hands wrote another script and took on a life of their own.  

It felt both powerful and disarming at the same time.  Was I doing this in my everyday interactions?  I wondered what value they were adding – or taking away – from my conversations.  Anchoring on our instructor’s declaration: “It’s not just about what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it”, I considered this moment a call to action: how might gesturing be something I could leverage to communicate more effectively?

Putting on my anthropologist hat (yes, we all have one!), I started noticing the gestures of the people in my life, on television, or even during conversations on the subway.  Almost immediately, I started to feel which ones lead me to lean in (or out) more deeply. 

As my personal experimentation began, I created a different relationship with my hands.  Playing with new movements allowed me to get a feeling for what was natural or strange; noticing people’s reactions to gauge what supported the words coming out of my mouth, and move conversations along.  I practiced new techniques, and urged my hands into calmness when I thought they might be too active.  Like all experiments, it was awkward – I was rewiring my physical behaviors, so how could it not be?  But when I noticed the difference it made in bringing people into deeper connection and creating stickiness around certain words, the impact was clear.

I kept practicing, and still do.  I adapt my style over time, figuring out what’s the best recipe for different formats, tones, etc.  Not only am I connecting better with my conversation partners, but I’ve noticed additional benefits: being more present as a result of being more tuned into my body, picking up on queues better as a receiver, and realizing more expansive thinking when I’m using my hands instead of letting them sit by my sides.

You might find that last point odd: my thought processes changing as a result of my body movements.  I’m thrilled to see this pattern being verified by research, which is detailed in Annie Murphy Paul’s book The Extended Mind.  She writes:  

“Research demonstrates that gesture can enhance our memory by reinforcing the spoken word with visual and motor cues. It can free up our mental resources by ‘offloading’ information onto our hands. And it can help us understand and express abstract ideas—especially those, such as spatial or relational concepts, that are inadequately expressed by words alone.”

Rebalancing our cognitive loads in our culture of information overload: what a win!  I also find it particularly interesting that gesturing doesn’t only support the words we’re speaking, but moves our thinking forward.  With studies showing that “people who are asked to write on complex topics, instead of being allowed to talk and gesture about them, end up reasoning less astutely and drawing fewer inferences”, it’s clear that getting our hands involved extends our brain power.  

And while we’re on the topic of benefits . . . it’s worth mentioning the research showing that gesturing allows us to connect more deeply with others in a shorter amount of time.  Murphy Paul’s book goes on to speak to effective use of gestures bolstering our ability to illustrate ideas and “is especially useful in supporting the provisional understandings shared by team members who together are working their way toward new discoveries.”  

So get those hands out!  Join me in rethinking how gesturing might be a new (or adapted) tool to support us in more effective communication, building relationships, and uplevelled thinking.